The last 36 hours have been a blur. My first round of chemotherapy started yesterday at 9 a.m. Terry and I arrived at the clinic at 8:45, not necessarily ready for this new journey. Knowing that after today, I would be considered immunocompromised and our journey wouldn’t be over until after successfully completing the Bone Marrow Transplant, we stalled. Instead of hurrying in, we both decided that 5 more minutes of “feeling normal and healthy” was worth being late.   We had prepared as much as possible for this day, but nothing could prepare us for the road ahead.  It’s a road Terry and I have done once before, but this time seems so different. Maybe we aren’t as naïve this time around, or maybe we just have more to fight for, but this time is more difficult than the last.

Promptly at 9 a.m., I was called back to the infusion suite. I had never been through this door before yesterday. This side of the clinic seems forbidden, as only patients are allowed through the doors. Terry and I said our goodbyes and I walked through the doors for the first time.

Before starting chemotherapy, vitals and labs must be completed. The wait for them to result, which was only minutes, seemed like hours. Finally, the nurse stated that everything was good for chemotherapy today. What a blessing and a curse at the same time. I would have loved for 1 more week of normalcy, but I also know the sooner we start, the better the results will be.

Once we started the infusion, I felt empowered. I was sailing through the first two drugs without any issues. Once we hit the third chemo agent, I started to feel some warmth in my fingers. The warmth became so bothersome that I had to stop writing, but it was a side effect I could handle. Finally, we made it to the fourth and final drug. I was so excited to have only an hour before I could go home to my bed. It was a drug I had previously had, well the non-liposomal form, Doxorubicin. Doxorubicin has the nickname “Red Devil” not only for its color but also for the intense side effects that many individuals experience. The liposomal doxorubicin is known for having side effects during the first 10 minutes of the infusion in some patients, but since I had the regular Doxorubicin during ABVD seven years ago I was hopeful it would not be an issue.  

Prior to starting Doxorubicin, I had sent a text to Terry telling him that I was about ready to start my last drug and that he should go grab something to eat. We hadn’t really eaten breakfast prior, so I knew that he must have been hungry. He sent multiple text messages asking if I was sure, and I assured him that I was fine. Well within 8 minutes of sending the text and starting the medication, I had a reaction. Suddenly, I felt the worst, indescribable pain in my arms and lower back. It was so strong that I was not able to move my arms and tears uncontrollably started to fall. My nurse, who was watching me closely, ran over the moment she noticed a change in my skin tone and knew a reaction was occurring. They immediately stopped the infusion and provided adverse reaction meds. After 15 minutes, the pain had resolved, and we started the infusion again at a lower pace. This seemed to help with the pain, but unfortunately, the nausea hit full force.  Within minutes of feeling nauseous, my nurse came to me and said, “You aren’t smiling anymore, what is wrong?”. At this point, I literally laughed and thought to myself, have I been smiling through my other chemo drugs?  We paused the infusion for some nausea medicine and restarted. At this point, I wanted anything for the infusion to be completed. I was exhausted and had never been hit so hard by chemo during the actual infusion. I had always had side effects afterward, but I honestly felt that the “Red Devil” kicked me on my ass.

I have spent the last 24 hours sleeping and trying to sleep through the side effects as much as possible. Some hours are better than others, but I have wonderful home “nurses” taking care of me. To my surprise, Rowan has been the best caregiver holding my hand and talking to me about the weather. I am hopeful the next few days will bring rest and recovery.

Thank you everyone from the bottom of our hearts for the continued prayers and good vibes. We honestly couldn’t do it without our support system. We LOVE you all and so APPRECIATE each and every one of you.

#OneDayAtATime #BraveforBecca