And so, it begins… the 24-36 hour countdown to my next chemo session. This time has always been hard mentally, even seven years ago. It’s usually the time you feel the best physically, but mentally you know that tomorrow you will have to sit there and restart the process all over again.

One thing that I have already learned this time is that there is no guidebook doing this journey with kids- trust me if there was, I would have found it. We are trying our best to educate them with the correct terms, “chemotherapy, cancer, PICC line” instead of just saying “Mommy’s sick”. We want them to understand that cancer is a different sickness from day-to-day germs. Our goal is for them to not fear getting sick themselves and going to the doctor, but with this comes a lot, and I mean A LOT, of what, when, and especially why questions.

Most recently we have started to talk about mommy losing her hair. We showed them pictures of me without hair 7 years ago to help jumpstart the conversation. At first, it was difficult, and I could see the sadness in Emery’s eyes, but each day the conversation gets easier. Tonight, Emery drew a picture of me without hair and we giggled together. I know as we approach this next chemo, there is a good chance that I will lose my hair. I wouldn’t be honest with myself if I said I haven’t seen strands falling already. Even though we don’t speak of it, I can see the expression on Terry’s face when he helps me brush my hair as he sees it too. It’s such a hard process to lose something you can’t control, and I am honestly not ready for it.

This past week has been rough, especially for Terry. Our main support located in KC- tested positive for Covid on Sunday before the first treatment thus all our week plans changed instantly. Terry had to pick up all the slack, including picking the kids up from school and taking them to therapies, all while working full-time and keeping the house running with a newborn. Luckily my mother-in-law drove 12 hours round trip to come help for 45 hours which allowed Terry to get a little rest over the weekend. We honestly couldn’t have done this past week without meals and gift cards from everyone. We are so grateful for the support that we have received and that we receive every day. 

Tomorrow starts a new week, a new week for treatment and recovery. We are so hopeful that this week will be as smooth as possible, and that I will not experience the same side effects that I experienced last week- especially during the actual infusion. As I start my week, I hope your hump day is great and the rest of your week is smooth sailing as well!