It has been exactly one week since I made a promise to Emery that I never imagined. It was something that’s been weighing heavily on my heart the past few months and something that unfortunately has not gotten easier with time. One week ago, I promised my five year old that her Mommy would come home while saying goodbye knowing that I couldn’t answer the question of how long we would be gone. 

It all started last Thursday after testing positive for rhinovirus (common cold) at the clinic. We knew how important staying well was in this journey, but we didn’t quite understand the magnitude of how quickly any changes in my health could affect the treatment plan. After testing positive for the virus, we discussed the possibility of chemo being delayed with the oncologist. It was at that moment, that Terry and I decided it was officially time to move out. For those with little kiddos, this time of the year is rough when it comes to sickness. I mean, I cannot remember a day over the last month that Emery or Rowan have not had a cough or runny nose. We were told by our Bone Marrow Transplant team at the beginning of this journey, that there would be a time that Terry and I would have to isolate- and we were officially there.

We had made the decision a few months ago, that Terry and I would move out of our home and switch houses with my parents. This would allow the kids to continue their normal routine and provide some stability and normalcy- or as much as possible in this unfortunate situation. We prepared the week before, showing the kids both the hospital and the clinic that Mommy would be “get better” at. We walked the halls of the hospital and clinic and showed them that it wasn’t a scary place. As much as we tried to prepare for this moment, there are no words to describe having to say goodbye to your children. 

As unfair as this has been for Terry and I, I am even more upset that Emery, Rowan, and Kanan’s lives have been turned upside down. We missed Thanksgiving yesterday and will miss Christmas and New Year’s. Luckily, children are resilient.  Even though we missed Thanksgiving, we are still thankful. We are thankful for our parents, who are changing their lives to be with our kids during this time. I am thankful for my sister who has stepped up as Aunt Kiki and who has spent so many hours already with the kiddos. I am thankful for modern technology allowing us to FaceTime to celebrate big moments, such as Rowan pooping in the big boy toilet, something he has been trying so hard to do for the past 6 months. And even though my Dad may despise it, I am thankful for our security cameras that allow me to check in at any time, especially during those times I am really missing them. 

If you see my Mom over the next few weeks, please tell her that she is doing a great job. Jumping from Nana and Papa roles to parenting roles with three kids under 5 is not easy. I’m sure she didn’t expect to spend her 60th birthday tomorrow, waking up in the night to take care of a newborn, but she is doing it without any complaints. If you see our kids, please give them all the extra love and hugs that you can, because honestly, they deserve it. 

I made a promise a week ago that I intend to keep. We may have a rough road ahead, but there isn’t anything that will keep us away from hugging our kids in the future. Until then, we will take this journey as a reminder of how much we have to be thankful for even in our darkest days. 

[PS- If you see our kids, they do NOT know that we are at my parent’s house. They are under the impression we are at the hospital, so they do not want to visit. We start full-blown isolation on Tuesday, only being able to leave the house for our daily clinic appointments. I will plan to post more of the timeline this weekend.]