Sometimes quiet can make people uneasy. In our case, it means we are doing good overall. There have not been many changes last week in regard to health. I now have weekly appointments instead of daily which means that we are moving in the right direction, but also means some days seem extra long.

One thing that has changed last week is that I am starting to notice a lot of brain fog. I will be talking and mid sentence forget what I was going to say. I also won’t remember if I have taken my medicine 30 minutes after, which makes me trying to be more independent difficult. Cue the pill organizer box in my next Target order- at least they are colorful. I know it’s somewhat normal to experience, but it’s still very frustrating. Luckily,  Terry is okay with my awkward smile instead of the end of the sentence.  

Oh the biggest news of all, we were able to see Kanan for the first time in over 50 days. Due to my counts being high enough this past week, I was given the okay to spend time with him as long as nobody else was sick. I worked up the moment that I would see Kanan in my head literally since the day I left that sweet boy.  To be honest, it wasn’t anything like I thought it was going to be and was harder than I imagined. As somewhat expected, Kanan didn’t remember us. I have tried to rewrite that sentence so many different ways to make it sound not so dramatic but in all honesty, it’s the truth. My happy boy, who supposedly never cries at home, cried hard every time I looked at him. And instantly the mom guilt and pain of our current situation all came flooding back. 

Luckily, Terry was able to calm Kanan and make him a little more comfortable and help with the tears.  It meant so much to watch Terry and Kanan bond after almost two months.  I, myself, am not able to hold Kanan but one day soon, I will be able to get all those cuddles.  Until it’s safe I will continue to watch these special moments  from afar. 

The hardest thing of all is that we weren’t able to see Emery and Rowan  due to them going to school with other kids and the germs. This literally broke my heart and I honestly felt guilty for seeing Kanan without them. Luckily, they had a fun day with Nana and Papa during this time and just thought Kanan went to “an appointment” for a few hours. I am hopeful that we will be able to have quality time soon and will continue to enjoy the FaceTime calls.