Ya’ll… I been waiting for some good news to share and TODAY seems like the perfect day… 

After 180 days post transplant, I FINALLY had good PET Scan Results. Some may even use the term, fantastic when describing them… and I plan to use that word all day, every day. 

In all seriousness, these are the results that we have been waiting for. Previously, there was a reason why I hadn’t posted for a while as I didn’t want to dwell on the bad. My first scans, that we did around Day 100 came back “improved” but still have spots that were lighting up. The spots were less than my liver, but the team was still concerned that they didn’t fully disappear after transplant. We never gave up hope, but the waiting period the last three months have been debilitating. I found myself having trouble sleeping and the constant thoughts of concern keeping me up at night. (Also, a 4 year old who has decided that he rather sleep on the floor than his own bed could also be a contributing factor). BUT we now can breathe some relief as the 6 months scan looked great, fantastic! 

In regards to my current life and health besides scan results … 

I have been trying my best to adapt to be a full time Mom again while balancing daily life and trying to stay healthy. The past few months have been everything I hoped for and more. I have been able to bond with Kanan and spend quality time with Emery and Rowan. (PS- Emery gave me a mother day writing prompt from school, and she loves me so much because I help her get dressed every morning. Who knew getting a 6 year old dressed would mean so much more than buying her ice cream lol 😂) 

With all the fun activities comes exhaustion. Exhaustion that I have never felt before. There will be times that I am playing with the kids or picking up a drive up grocery order and I will have to pause due to exhaustion. We are starting to see long term side effects of bone marrow transplant as I try to be more active every day. I have undergone additional lab testing in attempt to find the culprit. We have determine that I am currently in post menopause (lucky me) and that my thyroid is still not where they would like it to be. We have appointments with various  specialists in the next few months to help address ongoing issues, so hopefully their expertise will help us get a plan developed. 

I have started venturing out in public- sometimes even without a mask- which seems just weird to say out loud. I have been instructed to “be smart, stay safe” but also live my life. I have never been a better patient before today. 

AND…. The best, most unexpected news today that we haven’t even been able to tell family yet…. 

NIH called and my most recent NIPT results are NORMAL. Normal. Yes, normal. No abnormal results that would point to possible cancer.  Let me repeat, normal. Yes, they told me this could change at any time but today we celebrate and maybe break open a bottle of wine. (Remember, the instructions to live my life?) 

Some may ask what does this mean for us? It means that we continue to live our lives as much as possible. We know how short life can be and how nothing is guaranteed… even now, especially now. It means that we live more and love harder. We will celebrate every little small thing possible- even if it didn’t turn out how we planned. It means things that we plan to do in the far future, are better fit for today. Because shoot, after all these years I, no we, have finally learned what is a plan, if you aren’t ever able to live it out? A broken dream? A broken promise to yourself?

I plan to continue to take things easy right now. I am only 6 months out from my BMT and my body and soul are still recovering- physically, mentally and emotionally. But it does mean, I might even find some stillness in the chaos – and even find myself “fishing” for a little happiness.